i think i had qualms about today, simply because i can't recall what i did on halloween before there was college. halloween was always spent with ruggers, partying and being belligerent, dressing up and flaming octopi and now... well, now i've found myself in a family neighborhood, where the latest anyone is ever out is about 9 and that's only because s/he is out for a night stroll before bed.
so, what does one do in this type of neighborhood? does one dress up? does one imbibe or pull pranks or let oneself devolve into the stereotypical frat boy or sorority slut?
the answer: no. dressing up is great, but it's kept PG. however, i have decided that instead, i will not be dressing up. my parents no longer wish to pass out candy to every child who rings the doorbell and will be going out to relax at a spa or sauna or something asian. i, on the other hand, will be home to pass out treats to the little ones.
i am excited, however, for midnight. until then, i'm going to be preparing my room for nanowrimo shutdown and spending most of the night watching random things on youtube while i pass out candy to children. and possibly some older kids who have rightfully decided that they are not too old to go door to door and are indulging in their youth. which i, if i had any friends, would probably also do. i think the idea of being "too old" to trick or treat is silly. i mean, come on. trick or treating itself is a silly thing and has very little resemblance of what the true meaning of halloween used to be. thus, it should just be an excuse for everyone to have fun, and there should never be an age limit on having fun.
actually, that just reminds me that i was scolded just yesterday for sending out an email asking 2 kids to reply. one of them is being a wench and just refusing to respond, and unfortunately my exasperation with her has leaked into feeling annoyed with the other one. the other one responded a while back (i.e. a month ago) but since then, hasn't so i got frustrated with her too. this is a note to myself if i ever read this: never ever EVER let your kindness be taken advantage of by people you don't know. i know i fall into this very often, and usually i don't see it coming cause it's just natural to want to help, but i should've seen the wench a mile away and shouldn't have let myself give her the benefit of the doubt. especially when there is basically no doubt that she is a horrid excuse for a person. ah well, i still wish her a happy life as long as it doesn't affect mine anymore and if years of going to church and thinking about God and His teachings has taught me anything, it's that i should always work hard to forgive others for their faults. he who has never sinned shall cast the first stone, right?
still, i'm working on it. she's the second person in my life that i have ever truly, passionately hated. i've forgiven the first person, i think. i mean, enough to be cordial if i ever met him. or at least to easily reign in my impulse to punch him in his face. the witch, on the other hand... every time i even think of her, i have this sudden image of pushing her down some stairs. and an extremely intense feeling of schadenfreude when i remember that she has gained what seems like 30 pounds in a year's time. it's just too bad that she delights in her buxom appearance and revels in it by wearing close to nothing at times. but being the eternal whore that she is, and her god awful voice whining about how much frat guys don't want to sleep with her because she's fat (a sentiment that seems to dawn on her whenever she is flat out wasted... which was roughly 3-4 days a week), and her course language, which seems to stem from her parents who spoil her... well, given a lot of things i hate about her, it's going to be some time before i ever really take more than a few steps in trying to extinguish the flames that have engulfed the bridge between us.
why was i writing about that again?
oh! right. because the one who i was growing frustrated with (not the evil witch of slutsville) sent me a response email scolding me for being childish and immature, and informing me that she expected a graduated student to act her age. which, though i understand it was intended to make me feel ashamed, made me laugh at the thought. clearly, a girl who has no idea who i am and who, herself, acts like a silly incapable child (as evidence by the fact that the reason for the email is that she has yet to pay her portion of the electric bill- a bill that was due roughly 5 months ago and one that i covered for her until she would be able to contact her parents to ask for money... seriously. 5 months ago. and i was the one to remind her for the last 2 months that she still needed to pay for it. if that's acting like an adult, i think someone is confused), is accusing me for not acting my age! HAH! that is simply nonsensical! i'm 22 years old, living with my parents and employed part time tutoring kids until i leave to join the peace corps for a 2 year commitment in south america. i am well aware that in many aspects, i have not grown up. but then again, i doubt i will ever really "mature" into an "adult." if i were a butterfly, i'm pretty sure i'd forever be stuck in the caterpillar stage. i don't want to grow up! who wants to do that? it's gross. growing up just means worry lines and gray hair. noooo thank you. i will forever be 12 at heart, and since we have yet to figure out the whole physically aging bit, i'll do everything i can to make sure my wrinkles come from laughing and before my head turns grey, i want it dyed in every shade of the rainbow. also, she can BITE ME.
youth is in someone's attitude, in someone's heart and smile. if growing old means not being able to take a joke and getting upset at every little thing that might cause embarrassment, then i'm glad she's already aged so much. but me? not going to happen. i will be a kid for as long as i possibly can, and when i can't... well, by then i hope to be on my deathbed.
so hurrah to halloween! hurrah to novel writing! and hurrah to new experiences! failure is imminent but i still can't wait.
note: i realize most of my writing in this is ranting, but it feels so freakin cathartic, i doubt i will ever be able to stop. my new drug has becoming blogging and it feels faaaaantastic.
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