Since being on this fast, I'm starting to lose cognitive ability. On Monday, I was part of a presentation at my internship that I just wasn't all there for. I would literally forget what I had just said, forget a word that I was trying to use, and just generally off the mark. Thankfully, the lss black belt and the other interns didn't seem to notice, or if they did they were all very kind about it. It didn't seem to inhibit the general presentation either, so thank baby Jesus for that.
And then yesterday, I went to the gym. I've been going to this free, local community gym at a high school since it seemed kind of silly to pay for a membership when I'm only going to be here for a few more months before school starts in another state. There aren't any free weights, but some pretty solid machines and kettle bells so it's been nice. I decided to work on my arms and realized that my rings were still on my hand, cutting into my fingers. So, I took them off and stuck them in my back pocket with my ipod.
I finished, stepped out of the gym, and was walking to my car when I pulled my ipod out. I distinctly remember checking my pocket at the point, to make sure my rings didn't fall out with it. They were still there. And then from here, everything with those rings gets hazy. I don't remember taking them out of my pocket, but I grabbed my phone to take a picture of the moon while it was huge and beautiful in the sky. I drove home, took a shower, and spent the night looking at the moon. About 30 minutes before full blood moon, I realize that my rings are not on my fingers and I check my pants. No rings. I bolt downstairs and in the darkness of night, I am frantically searching my car. I see one of my rings on the passenger seat of the car. WHERE IS MY OTHER ONE? MY CLASS RING IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. I'm freaking out, pulling apart my car and trying to find this damn ring.
Nada.
Deep breath, I head back inside and take a few more glances at the moon until I fall asleep, trying to assure myself that I'll be able to see better once the sun is up...
Wake up this morning and bolt downstairs, check the car and recruit my dad to help me. Both of us drive back to the high school and check the parking lot, the car again, everything and no ring to be found.
My dad literally tore the flooring out of my car, on the off chance it fell into some weird crevice but nope. It's gone. I can't make heads or tails of this, because my other ring was there on the seat. They were together, I must have set them down together. Why didn't I put them back on my fingers? Why didn't I put them in the cup holder or some place NOT the seat? What is going on?
I have zero ideas why the things I always do did not happen. The only thing that's affecting me right now is this juice fast, so I can only assume I had some sort of mild aneurysm that resulted in this mistake. But for now, I'm calling it a sacrifice to the blood moon and I'm hoping and praying this means I will have forever amazing good fortune and luck in the future... sigh.
I've been freaking out about that ring ever since. I rarely lose things, so to lose something so expensive and so meaningful to me is just... the worst.
Anyway, I went to get some more acupuncture today. More electrical stimulation to my quads and belly, suction cupping on my back thighs, and this rather painful ultrasound or something on my lower back. That didn't last for long, but it was like hot ashes were landing on me. I think maybe the stimulation coupled with the heat lamp was a bad idea, but it didn't last for very long. He also put needles in my face and hands for like less than a minute, and then ended with something called moxa on my head. It literally burned my hair and was super painful. Just one point on the tippy point top of my head, he basically burned me like 3 times in the same spot. They were short, really painful burns and I could smell my hair burning. The pain is pretty quick, though, so once he finished I was fine. Still, weird. Apparently it's supposed to help with the concentration. All I can say is, TOO LATE.
He told me that with only 4 days remaining, this time is crucial that I sweat more than I've been sweating now. I don't know what to tell him, I've been trying to make myself sweat as much as possible but I get maybe a light sheen at best- no shirt drenching craziness. He says that I should wrap my quads, lower mid section, and upper torso in saram wrap when I run. I understand that this is to make me sweat, but I have a feeling that's going to make me overheat and collapse in a puddle of twitching sadness so I'm going to say yea, sure, and keep doing what I'm doing to get myself to sweat. I think I'm going to try a free week at the gym or something and use the sauna.
(note: just looked this up, and I know I'll be bombarded by "JOIN NOW!" emails and phone calls but... yolo- http://trylafitness.com/soa#find-nearest-club-section)
I'm down about 10lbs since I started a week ago, I have about 20 more that I'm hoping to lose through this program and ultimately, I want to lose another 20lbs by next year. I say all these things, and yet I can smell meat on the grill from someone's backyard and my stomach won't stop growling... that's another thing. I am constantly hungry. The doc says it's not hunger, it's just me missing the sensation of chewing, but I know hungry and this is hungry. My stomach is constantly growling and feeling too tight/empty and it's not a craving (which I also know too well), it's legitimate hunger that keeps rising its ugly face every 10-15 minutes if I am not constantly sipping on this juice. I feel like my teeth are being worn thin because I'm constantly chewing on a straw that I have in my mouth, sipping on juice. I hate being hungry. I can't wait until this weekend.
Also, my skin is terrible. I'm guessing it's the by-product of a detox, having the gross stuff inside of me pushed towards the surface or something, but I don't have very good skin to begin with and now my face looks like a 13 year old's going through puberty in a cartoon or something. It's damn awful and makes me a little angry.
I am losing the weight, but becoming a pizza faced, always hungry idiot. It's not worth the trade in the short term, but I'm hoping once I get back to my normal life, the weight will stay gone and the skin and brain will return to normal function...
I am a person with a lot of faith. Universe, don't test it. Just let it be.
So until next time (probably the end of the fast)!
Sincerely,
Sue
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