Second post of the day, simply because I'm procrastinating and not doing any of the things I'm supposed to be doing.
Like my community diagnostic.
Womp womp.
It's just that there's a big difference between what I want to do and what I have to do. When those things don't match up, usually want trumps have. This is probably the reason why my GPA went dooowwwn the drain in college.
Yes, Professor. I do understand that this will be on the exam. Have I learned it? No, it's boring. I did, however, really enjoy this other part that is probably going to be maybe 1 question. But I know it super well. Is that alright? You're gonna fail me? So I guess it wasn't alright. Ok then.
Ah well.
Speaking of grades, I've been thinking about my future after Peace Corps.
Yea, yea, I've only been here for like 2 months now, but still. I can't help but wonder what I'm going to be like, what my LIFE is going to be like afterwards.
What do I want? Well, when I was in college, I wanted to be a doctor. I was taking all the prerequisite classes, doing all those things that soon to be doctors are supposed to during their undergrad and then... well, and then I realized I really didn't enjoy a lot of those classes, my grades were crashing and burning, and I just didn't know WHY I was trying to be a doctor.
I realized, I really enjoy the field of health- people fascinate me, hospitals fascinate me, but I just really didn't understand it and a lot of things didn't seem to work, but I couldn't understand why.
So instead of trying to apply to medical school and jumping through loop after loop after loop, I am trying to find another way to do what I want to do in life- help people.
It's why I joined the Peace Corps. Well, that's a lie. I joined because I wanted to go and DO something. I spent years of my life, sitting under fluorescent lights and listening to teachers go on and on about how other people have done and were doing these amazing things. Sometimes, I was challenged to think. Other times, I was challenged to remember copious amounts of information that meant nothing to me and then word vomit them back onto paper or some exam.
I'm not ragging on teachers, mind you. They deserve all the praise in the world, and more. (Also, more money. Teachers, like good high school teachers, should be paid tons more) Had it not been for all the influential teachers in my life, I would never have made this decision to be where I am right now. It's just that after a while, being given copious amounts of information without actually USING any of it... it gets tiring. And I got tired pretty quickly. Somewhere around my sophmore/junior year, I realized- this sucks. I love school, I love learning, but what the hell am I going to do with all this information now in my head? I'm going to learn it, appreciate it for a moment, repeat everything you just told me back to you to prove that I read it, and then... and then I'm going to forget it next year because I'm doing all of this all over again.
So I just gave up on the repetition part. I learned it, retained what I found interesting and what I believed would be useful to me later in life, and forgot the rest. I took classes just to see if I might like it, and if I didn't? Finished it anyway and failed miserably. But you know what? It was an experience. I managed to expose myself to subjects I didn't need to do, because my major didn't require it. But who cares if my major required it or not? I would never have the opportunity to take these courses again, so I might as well take them.
That's what college was for me. An experience. It was a chance to just listen to what people had to say, to learn more about things that simply existed in this world. It didn't matter to me if I learned it or not. I don't read books to memorize every line, page by page. I read for pleasure. I get the general idea of a story, and I move on with my life. Sometimes these stories come back to me and I can apply them to a situation. My classes were just like books to me.
It's also why my grades took a plunge and went diving off the deep end. I probably should have taken easier classes (why'd I take Linear Algebra my senior year? I asked myself the same question. I answered, why not?) and fewer credits (minimum credits needed per semester was 12, the average was 15, I took 22... again, why? because I wasn't there to be scored, I was there to experience. Oh, and why not?) but I didn't. I wasn't being a smart premed kid, strategically working the system to get that allusive 4.0. Oh no, I was being... well, being me.
Being me never really works out all that well.
Anyway, now I'm trying to figure out what I want in life, and I realize that I want more schooling.
I know, right? wtf.
But seriously, I want to go back to school. Not to be a doctor, but to continue working in the field of health. I want to pursue a Masters in Hospital Administration (MHA). It's like the business aspect of health, if you want the short version of it.
I really like organizing things. I'm a big picture kind of person. And I'm still curious about how the health system works, and why parts of it don't seem to work.
Beyond that? I know nothing. I want to know more.
Sadly, I'm pretty sure my GPA's going to keep me out of most schools. Still, I guess I'm hoping at least someone will take a chance on me. We'll see. We'll hope and pray as well.
IN OTHER NEWS I'm at 7.3k words in nanowrimo, thanks to an empty saturday. It's 10pm and I still haven't organized my survey results. Woops. Gotta get on that.
Hope all is well on your end of the world, dear friend.
Love and Peace.
Sincerely,
Sue
(that's my nanowrimo name, btw. If you're participating, add me: sincerely_sue)
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