Sunday, July 22, 2012

day 409: a quinceñera and now it's 5 in the morning

Friends!
So I went to my second quinceñera since being in Perú, and this experience was way different from the last. 

Just a few quick thoughts to jot down before I slam full force into my bed and pass the effffff out (it's seriously 5am right now):

1. We passed by 2 other giant parties on the way to this one. Apparently, a lot of girls are turning 15. For those of you not in the know, La Quinceñera (aka the 15th birthday) is super important (think sweet 16 but more intense and ingrained in a culture) for girls (it's the 18th bday for boys, and it's not as intense). Not only that, the teens I know told me that they were some really popular girls whos parties were tonight. It was going to be parties based on popularity tonight. 

2. The amount of time, money, and energy that is spent on a quinceñera rivals marriages, proms, and every other giant party that I've ever been to that focuses on a woman.

3. I still feel extremely uncomfortable around kids who are drinking, even those at the legal age of 18. Before I passed the pitcher of beer, I asked the kid "how old are you" and only gave it to them if they told me 18. They could have been lying, but then it got picked up by a few of the kids who only passed the beer to those over 18 (idea being: more for us) so that was kind of awesome. Still, lots of smokers and drinkers. Not excessive, but still underage. Too difficult to fight, will have to work to ignore desire to go on an anti-smoking/drinking campaign.

4. For me, more fun than the kids are the adults- especially the parents of the bday girl. The dad was already drunk and ranting about how much he loved me like a daughter and how grateful he was that I was there to do such amazing work for kids like his daughter. The mom invited me to a whole bunch of other ladies who told raunchy jokes and made me join their drinking circle. This was near the end of the festival but it was a hell of a lot of fun.

5. Heels suck but when you finally get one to fit (that was orignally 0.5 a size short) it feels worth the pain

6. It's really difficult to say no to sharing wine with a bunch of people who are members of the bdays family, including her parents. However, their goal is to get smashed and my goal is to get out of there in one piece. Our differences in opinions tend to collide more often on these....

that's all i could think of now. my face is melting off of my skull and is already in a puddle in my bed. The rest of me needs to go catch up. lve you all.

peace and love.
-sue

Friday, July 20, 2012

day 407: future trepidations

Hey Friends,

So I'm going to chuck a load of mind thoughts on here right now. Ready? K. Here we go:

I've been thinking about the future. Not like, in the timey, spacey, in the year 3000 future but the immediate, less than a year from now, what is my life going to be- future. I'm 24 years old and I still can't figure out what I want to do. Since forever, I wanted to be a doctor. I was going to go to medical school, learn everything about humans and diseases and all the stuff in between, and I was going to help people in a way they couldn't help themselves. 

Boom. Plan. Done.

Not so much. Around my senior year of  college, it hit me that I wasn't prepared to go to med school. I mean, sure, if someone came up to me and told me "hey, if you come to school tomorrow, you can be a medical student" I'd totally go, but you know what? It was the application process that daunted me. 

I didn't understand it. 

I know, I should have been on track since my freshman year of college- take classes that would boost my GPA, rock at the science and math courses I would need as a pre-med student, do a lot of volunteer work at the local hospital, make best friends out of all my professors to write me letters of rec, make the MCAT my bitch. Do you know how many of these things I actually did?

Ehrm. None. 

That was a dumb move. Or rather, a dumb lack of movement. I really couldn't tell you why I didn't do any of these things. I took classes that interested me, but would prove to be more difficult and involve methods of examination that I did not excel at. I didn't do so hot in my chem classes and basically failed organic chemistry. All my volunteer work revolved around working with youth or school clubs and sports but nothing involving health, I made friends with grad students who T.A'd for the professors because why bother a professor when s/he has a TA? What reason would a TA be except as a giant human sign that a professor doesn't want to be bothered by your questions? Besides, professors are rock stars... I'm a mere mortal and I don't like talking to them. And I never took the MCAT. Studied for it, but never took it. Spent a crap load of cash to take tutored courses for it, but never even signed up for it. 

Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuuumb. 

Then in my senior year, as a peer to peer counselor and a member of a school club dedicated to the minds of the students, I realized that being a doctor means living in an environment where everyone is suffering. I didn't think I had the ability to separate my empathy from my focus. 

It didn't matter though, because I joined the Peace Corps to not only give myself more time to think about all this, but to experience a new culture and to finally be DOING something, instead of just reading about stuff in a book. 

But now my Peace Corps service is passing its 1 year mark and in a few months, I'm going to have to start applying for schools again or looking for a job. I don't know what to do. I don't know what my learning has prepared me for. 

I have, however, figured out one thing that I'm really good at. 

I'm a boss. 

Yea, in every sense of the word. Haha, no, but seriously- I'm good at listening, offering advice when it's asked for, I'm good at editing other people's work, getting someone motivated and moving forward, I'm good at knowing silly facts and being intrigued by advances made in not just science but specifically in regards to health and humans, and I can pet an adorable animal for hours on end, and I'm good at helping other people.

I suck at helping myself, though. Dear god, trying to get myself motivated feels like I'm repeatedly bashing my head up against a wall. Getting someone else moving, though? My favorite thing ever. 

So if anyone knows of any jobs or career paths out there that seems to fit my talents, let me know? Or if you have any tips on what it takes to get into med school or into a master's in public health, that'd be preeetty good information for me. 

Anywho, that's all I have time for right now. I made lunch with my host siblings today (miso sopu and kimbap. They liked it! Yay!) and tomorrow we're making tacos (woooo! cultural things!). Thanks for reading this all to the end, love you all!

Peace and Love.
Sincerely,
Sue

Friday, July 13, 2012

day 400: is there such a thing as too much play?

Hello there friends.
So I'm sitting in Trujillo right now, wasting some time at a wonderful little café called Casona Deza, eating like a Capresse quesadilla on a wheat and deliciously grain-y tortilla and sipping on some key lime lemonade. Yea, I know, my life is hard. 

It's kind of funny though. You'll hear a lot of volunteers say things like that- make a comment about how they're luxuriating and laughingly make a sarcastic comment on the difficulty of their lives. To be honest, though, I think we do live fairly basic, simple lives in areas that range from adobe walls, outhouses a mile away and impossible to get to at night, concrete castles, holes in the ground labelled toilet, dirt dust and sand, torrential never ending rains that threaten the next population wiping flood rivaling noah's ark and the perfect storm, mold, flies, moldy flies, etc. 

But when we get to the regional capital for that once a month meeting... well, everything is a luxury. Your daily Starbucks run to grab a quick cup of Joe, cause no caffeine is like the full moon to your cafe werewolf? I make it a point to get off my 2 hr bus ride, grab a taxi to take me and all my things to the mall, and spend the next few hours refusing to leave this little part of what feels like the USA. It's kind of ridiculous how much money I'm willing to spend, knowing that the people with whom I work and live by will never be able to indulge the way I'm doing at that moment. I doubt most of them even know of Starbucks, except for what they may have seen on some television show on some american channel. 

Do I feel guilty? A bit. Will I stop saving up money just to splurge it all in the capital? Hell to the no. I try to argue that I deserve it, but we all know that's not true. No, what it is is that this kind of luxury and pampering is what I'm used to in the states. It's my old life, and it was comfortable and nice and air conditioned, and I didn't even know how good I had it because that's how good I had it! 

I don't even know where I'm going with this, it's just a thought I had for a split second that I just wrote down real quick. I want to go back to the states some day and think back to these days, read my silly rants, and smile with nostalgia. That's all. 

Anyway, I was going to talk about vacationing and how much of it I happen to be doing this month. See, normally I go into the regional capital and just chill there for about 2 days, get some shopping things done or mail things done or destressing things done, but this month has been different. This month has been full of group 15 leaving to head back to the states now that their 2 years of service are completed. This month has been the Independence day of my mother country. This month is also Fiestas Patrias, aka Independence day, of my host country. All of this means a lot of travelling, a lot partying, and a lot of time spent not working. Sure, it's isn't just me- the people I work with have dropped the ball on their end a number of times, but that's normal. What's not normal is me choosing to go to a friend's despedida (goodbye party) instead of meeting with socio and rescheduling my meetings. That's weird. It's been happening all this month! Plus, I have plans to travel to Chachapoyas- JUNGLES! WOO!- and I don't feel bad about it. 

I love traveling, whaddyagonnado. 

August is med checks and the Lima Half Marathon, so I'll be away in Lima. 

September is the Amazon River Raft race, so I'll be away in Iquitos doing crazy awesome things.

October is when the 16ers will be slowly leaving us, so more despedidas and saying goodbyes.

I hate saying goodbye. Maybe that's why I feel so bad this month. I'm not just missing days in site and in work, I'm missing all these people with whom I've just started to make good friends with. July is a mixed bag of suck and awesome. Maybe my projects will pick up and things'll get better? Maybe I'm about to go to the post office and pick up a package there that's been waiting for me for about a month and that'll make me feel loved? Maybe I'll get the guitar that my best-y let me borrow restrung and be able to practice and that'll keep me occupied? Maybe I'll go to the beach and half a few beers to celebrate a birthday and another volunteer leaving GAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Do Not Enjoy.

But I do know that those who are leaving are off to bigger and better things, because they're just too amazing to not be. The world wouldn't make sense unless all of them were achieving greatness. SIGH. Still doesn't stop me from being kind of sad about it all....

On another note: When travelling, double check whenever going to a place to exchange money. Guy at the money exchange place tried to trick me and then didn't give me all my cash. I sat there and berated him in Spanish, telling him what an awful human being he was trying to steal from a young girl who served in another country as a volunteer to help children, how the kids I teach know better than him, how he lacks any and all valor and should be ashamed, how sorry I feel for his friends and family for being associated with him, and how unfortunate it would be for him to have children and pass on such lack of morals to them. Well, not really the last bit cause that's super mean, but COME ON, lying bastard! Made him give me back all my money and went next door.

Be careful in your travels, friends, because although most people are super awesome, there's always that damn 1% messing up everything for everyone. 

Altight, pretty sure the cafe I'm at is like... wtf is this girl just sitting here for more than an hour? Weird one. 
So I'm gonna peace out and hope this gloom that's been hanging over my head goes far far away... 

Peace and Love, 
missing everyone like crazy! 
Go get some Starbucks (grande ice caramal macchiatto with soy milk is my go to sugar charged escape in a cup) and think of me <3

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

day 391: I RAN MY FIRST HALF MARATHON!!!

So, my time in Peru has been just a series of firsts and one of my personal goals for these two years has been taking more risks and trying new things.

I just ran my first half marathon. The International Marathon in Pacasmayo was held the 1st of July. I don't know if you recall, but my site is just about 10-15 minutes from Pacasmayo and I had been more or less training to run 21km for 2 or so months.

Here's the problem- I have no markers to indicate my distance so I've just been running based on time. By the time the marathon rolled around, I'd run a maximum of about 1.5 hours in total and I figured, hey- good enough for me!

Yea... here's a break down of what was going on in my head the day of the race:

5:00am: WAKE UP! Holy crap, I'm nervous. Shoot, I didn't get enough sleep. EHRMAGAWD I'm not hungry, god that was a lot of pasta last night. Should I eat something? So many butterflies in my tummy. No, calm down, eat something or you're not gonna have the energy to run later. EAT SOMETHING.

5:30am: Ok, good, bread with some tuna stuff. Maybe that tuna stuff wasn't a good idea. Isn't fish supposed to be good for you? What if I puke cause I ate tuna so early in the morning? My stomach does NOT feel good right now. Uh oh. Whatever, I'll be fine, time to get ready.

6:00am: Good job, you're dressed. Let's pack some stuff for showering after the race then. Let's see, clothes, shampoo, soap, uhm... what else? Do I need anything else? Oh god, I'm going to forget something and hate myself for not bringing it. I pinned my number on, I have my running shoes on, oh! Put on your contacts! Ok... now what.

6:10am: Let's watch some Mad Men, that'll calm me down.

6:45am: OH CRAP! Lost track of time, holy crap, drink some water and get to Pacasmayo!

7:00am: Yay! Look at all these volunteers, all set and ready to go for an awesome run! God, I'm so nervous. My tummy really doesn't feel good. That tuna was a seriously bad idea. Drink water.

7:15am: Omg Omg Omg Omg. At the starting line. Woooooooo so nervous. Wow, look at all these people dressed up and looking strong. Oh god, that woman looks like she's going to flllllly through this race. Oh gosh, I have to pee.

7:25am: I love Peace Corps.

7:26am: Have to pee have to pee have to pee have to pee have to pee have to pee have to pee. NO I DON'T!

7:34am: AAANNNNDDDD WE'RE OFF! Yea, yea, yea, go run ahead of me, I don't care. I'm here to finish, not place.

7:45am: The very first hill... god, this giant cement mountain is gonna suck.

7:48am: Woah, got up that thing, I'm breathing HARD. It's ok, so's everyone else, this is going to be an interesting race. Oh hey! Look at that, now we're running on the road. Coolsies.

8:10am: No, I don't need that water or powerade in a bag yet, thank you very much, here's a little finger wagging at you as I pass by- but thanks for the offer anyway!

8:30am: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow, running down hills is not fun for my knees. Oh crap, I'm going to have to run UP this thing on the way back, huh? Arghhh.... but you know what? I'm not even sweating that much, my breathing is pretty solid, this is good!

8:45am: Hey! Is this the half way point? We're in Jequetepeque and aw, how adorable! So many people are out to cheer us on! Ah! I know all these people! Hello! Hello! Hola! Boost of energy! Awesome!

9:00am: I'm dying. This is the longest I've run during training. Why don't they put more distance markers?! How far have I been running? WHERE AM I!? WHY WON'T THEY PUT THE KILOMETER MAR- oh, 12km.

9:02am: .................

9:03am: I'VE ONLY RAN A MAX OF 12KM TO TRAIN FOR THIS!? OH GOD! HOW MANY KILOMETERS ARE LEFT???

9:10am: NINE. I'M GOING TO DIE.

9:15am: Alright, no, you'll be okay, you got through all those hills back up and now your legs feel like jelly. That's cool, you just gotta get over this wall, you'll be fine! and what? look at that, you're back where you started and there's only a few kilometers left! I don't think you have to go much further, just down that concrete hill you started at- owowowowowowoowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow shit. That hurt.

9:20am: I have no idea where I'm going. I wonder how far I have left to go. Dear god, my legs are burning. Take a breather, Sue Song, just walk off some of this.

9:25am: ..... That there is Zack, returning and finishing his run. He was waaaayy ahead of me. If he's just coming back now... Holy crap, this is going to be further than I thought. Better start running again.

9:35am: This is what death feels like. My knees feel like jelly. I'm running on desert sand and crap tons of rocks. This is not fun. Why did I sign up for this? Why did this sound like a good idea? Oh god, another water station. I WANT ALL OF THE POWERADE.

9:40am: Why were those powerades given to me in plastic bags? I got half of it in my mouth and the other half is all over my face/hands. Sticky. So Sticky. I'm going to walk as I drink the next few of these.

9:41am: STOP WALKING. RUN.

9:42am: OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOWOWOOWOWOOOOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOW FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MY KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ow ow ow ow ow, sht frack faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadge! Aw crap, knee just gave out. What do I do? Well, brush off the dirt and rocks sticking from falling and limp on, I guess.

9:45am: What if I really jacked up my knee? Would this half be worth it?

9:45:30am: Yes.

9:47am: Alright, well you've only got like another 2 or 3 km left, you might as well just walk what you can and run when it feels better, but you're going to finish this thing!

10:00am: AWW! My friends who finished came back to find me! God, I love Peace Corps Volunteers! You can do this! Run!

10:05am: HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST THIS IS PAINFUL. Wipe away the tears, keep going, both calves cramping? You can keep going. My knees are now cramping? That's just weird. I've never felt that before. What a seriously weird sensation. Almost there.

10:15am: CROSS THAT FINISH LINE. Oh god, I FINISHED. I'M AWESOME. YES GIVE ME THAT MEDAL. I AM AMAZING. I SERIOUSLY NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION. SOMEONE GIVE ME ICE AND MORE POWERADE.


That was more a less a breakdown of what was going on in my brains as I ran. I felt SO SORE the next day but thankfully a PCT who was in Pacasmayo shadowing a volunteer had a knee brace and lent it to me for the day so I felt a bit better. A couple friends from another department were visiting so I went to go see them in Trujillo the next day and we went and got these massages- shiatsu and normal- from a treatment center run by blind masseuses. Yea, it was really cool and oh so wonderful. I've never had a professional massage before and this was another first for me.

It will def not be my last. I came out of there purring.

We went and had some Papa John's pizza, which was a huge treat, and the first time I've taken advantage of their Buy One Get the Second for Only One Sole (like a quarter in the states)... I bought and ate an entire family sized pizza. Well, I managed to get half of it before I felt seriously ill, but I ate the rest of it later that night and more some this morning!

So all in all, a fantastic day of firsts. Sadly, I lost my voice from screaming on the day of the marathon (cheering on runners and later that night, being obnoxious while celebrating with my friends) but totally worth it. I have a million meetings happening tomorrow but today is the 4th of July and I'm going to be taking a mini reprieve to celebrate the day of independence of my wonderful country!

I hope all of you are doing amazing things in your life, and happy independence day to all friends and family back home! Love and miss you guys, always!!! Send letters or fun packages if you get the chance cause mail is worth its weight in gold to me, but otherwise I'll see you all in another year's time!

Peace, Love, and Liberty for all.
Sincerely,
Sue