t-minus 6 days: guys, i'm almost done with peace corps. OHMGODHOWDIDTHISHAPPEN.

So.

4 days until I leave site.

6 days until I officially COS (Close Of Service).

27 days until I go back to the US, after more than 2 years of being away.

Part of me is saying, maybe this is too much. Maybe stay a bit longer? Maybe just throw away all this shit you've collected for 2 years and somehow, can't seem to figure out what you need to pick and what you need to give up. Maybe I can't do this. Maybe I want to stay in Peru forever. Maybe there's nothing for me in the states. Maybe all these maybes will kill me.

The other part of me has already packed her bags and returned home.

I really don't know what to do with myself. I know I have 4 more days in site. My calendar, with its days meticulously X'd out, tell me it's soon. But it's like I'm still in denial. I still have to talk to my socia on Tuesday. I still have a radio program I need to write up and get ready for tomorrow. I have a final despedida with the municipality workers. The newbies (21ers) are coming in this monday, so I'll be going to meet them and say hello briefly. My replacement's coming on Tuesday, and I'll see her then. There's still so much to do, so obviously things aren't over... right?

Wrong.

Ugh. I'll get there. I'll get to that point where I realize, I seriously need to pack all this shit away and just forget the rest- give it to my host family, my socios, the beneficencia, anyone. I need to figure out what I need for the 1.5 weeks I'm taking to see Macchu Picchu and Madre de Dios. I need to remember to take my malaria pills.

But I think I'm also focusing on all these things because otherwise, I'd just cry. Cry and cry and cry. It upsets me that I know I'm not going to be able to say goodbye to everyone, no matter how much I try. For whatever reason, things don't always turn out the way I want them to. Gotta roll with it, ya know?

Sigh.

Don't even want to write right now. Gotta finish this radio thing. Gotta pack at least one suitcase. I really need to get my life moving... hopefully forward.

Talk later when my head is in a better place.

Peace.